I had long suspected myself having depression since there was an ad saying "Do u feel like crying all the time?" with a woman in tears...

I am feeling reali depressed probably after i applied my house! It shld be a happy thing, but seems like it was a huge burden to me! Cant afford it, cant afford anything... Sometimes i even thot of ending my life and that's it!! Then i dun haf to worry abt so much things, dun need pay for anything liao...

It began when i was worrying abt my monthly contribution to CPF unable to cope with the monthly loan maintenance. Tinking that i must at least earn more than $2.5K per month to be able to finance half of the monthly loan.

Taxes, taxes and more taxes....No matter how much i earn, i still haf to pay the government taxes, for to do nothing! Tax-payers hard-earned money will go into the pockets of the people who are working in Government sectors!

Y do i say that?? I haf an ex-colleague whose husband is working in 'Prime Minister's Office' previously. According to what i heard from his wife, every month when they haf staff suggestions, they will get some cash rewards like $100 or $200 cash vouchers. And guess what the suggestions meant?? Those tiny weeny unimportant things like suggesting to "put some flower pots in office", "shifting the flower pots location to a better location from here to there, to beautify THEIR office", etc, etc....

People outside struggling to earn their keepings, but those IDIOTS are having a good time of their lives their suggesting 'bo liao' things and getting rewarded!! Wasting government resources and wasting tax payers' money! Reali cant take it!

And the forever increasing GST! From 3%, 4%, 5% to now, goin to be 7% in July this yr.... Even having a simple meal outside, we still haf to pay 10% service tax and 7% GST, and service taxes oso haf to pay GST!!! Did u ever realised that?

Well, everybody had to pay for the same amount, pay for the same things, i knew that, just that i personally reali cant take it anymore!

With my so little salary, how can i ever survive in this country when everything means money$$$!!!! Stepping out of the house means spending money, staying at home oso costs money!! Electricity bills, utilities bills, phone bills, water bills, housing loans......

Had been comtemplating to migrate somewer else....I reali cant take the stress in Singapore... With so much taxes to pay for, and high housing prices, high loans, everything so expensive here... OMG!! I reali cant take it, so stressed out, i m going crazy!!!

Work means getting even more stressed out with crazy colleagues like Nelson, back stabbing everytime, bad mouthing, noisy man!! Sometimes i reali feel like shouting in office for him to SHUT UP!!! Hearing him talkin makes me haf headaches all the time, especially his voice is esp loud and clear... He had been talking from beginning of work at 8am till 530pm...Doing nothing but talking...Crazy man!!

Recently, i had been finding myself being cooped up in the house for so long, feeling depressed, lack of going out, shopping, relaxing... Nick had been busy with work, busy with studies, that's y i had been staying at home for the past few weekends...Din go out, doin nothing...

Oredi feeling very depressed, wanted to vent out since yesterday, then i heard from my 3rd sis that my younger sis had been angry with me for not trusting her!! She is in China... For the whole matter, from the start till now, i din even say i dun trust her. I reali dunnoe what made her said that?? I was merely asking her where's the laptop bag and she told me its at home.

We couldnt find the bag at home, so asked her wer she put it, and she said we dun trust her and din wan to talk anymore... We thot, or i shld say i thot the problem was she was angry wif all ppl at home, but i was wrong!! SHE WAS ANGRY WITH ME alone!!!

I reali cant take it anymore. I reali dunnoe why she said that! I reali dunnoe what i did wrong? I was reali hurt! She was the sis i dote on most, and now she said that of me and din even wan to talk to me online. I was hurt. The moment i heard that i reali cant contained my tears and emotions get the better of me! Was reali feeling sad and sinking in more depression.... To tink we could haf an misunderstanding so far apart...

Was telling Lan Eng abt the whole story and i cried again in office. It reali hurt me!! I called Nick tis morning and he said last nite, he msn my younger sis and asked her 'Dun be so petty"! Guess by his doings, she got pissed off and logged off, ignoring him... I told him off for saying that to her and complicating the whole matter... Almost quarelled with him over this until he stopped me!

I reali dunnoe what i m doing, i reali dunnoe what i want....Just feel like ending it all...